[Beelzebub… is far too nice for someone for Haruka, even if this is all he’s wanted from someone. He doesn’t know the things Haruka’s done because of the resentment he held for Kujou, though it, again, seems like something stupid to bring up to a demon.
He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes and shaking his head.]
It’s all in the past, now. It doesn’t matter here.
[He just wanted to make sure Beel was feeling okay, and now he’s the one crying!! How embarrassing…]
[He looks at the cookie bag, hesitantly picking it up. He’s not particularly hungry after the debacle this day has been, but… he doesn’t want to reject the gesture, either.]
[What does he even do with this information… It’s not like it really changes anything about who Beel is, but him being a demon has already factored into their friendship so little…
We let it happen for a while. Angels aren't supposed to get involved with humanity like that unless you choose to be someone's guardian. But she was so happy... so we didn't intervene.
[There's such complicated guilt that still rises from that, even now. Would it have been better, if anyone had stopped her? Knowing what was to come?]
Eventually the human got sick and was going to die. Lilith snuck food out from the Celestial Realm to extend the human's life, which was forbidden. And when Father found out, He was going to get rid of her. Erase her for her disobedience.
We had a lot of different issues with Father, even before then. But when Father said what He was going to do to our sister, that was the last straw for a lot of us.
When the Celestial War broke out after Lucifer rebelled against our Father, we all took Lucifer's side, including Lilith. But... she was shot from the heavens during the fighting, and fell to her death.
[Haruka is quiet for a long moment, taking it all in, before he shifts to face Beel more directly. There’s so much he wants to ask, but it all feels so irrelevant and would only serve to sate his curiosity.
It won’t change that it all feels so… pointless and cruel. Why should Lilith have been punished for falling in love, even if it was with a human? If He didn’t want that, why make angels that could feel love in the first place?]
I’m sorry, Beel.
[…]
I hope she was at least happy, before everything went wrong.
I still feel guilty. That maybe if we'd said something sooner, Father wouldn't have had to intervene. We could have avoided war. Lilith could still be alive. If I'd been faster when the arrow was shot, maybe I could have saved her.
...
But... it's wishful thinking. I can't change our issues with Father, or how he thinks of us. I can't change how he thought of Lilith. And I can't bring her back.
[It still hurts to even acknowledge, to think of her face, to think of Belphie, to think of the sorrow that still hung heavy about her after millenia. But...
He lets out a breath.]
All I can do is... be me. Protect what I know I care about now.
[He looks over at Beel, wishing there was something he could do or say to make him not look as sad as he does right now. Loss is never something easy to deal with, but somehow it’s not something Haruka has much experience with. His parents died so early, it never bothered him - so he’s always been the one abandoned by others.
There’s nothing he can do to make it better.]
You did what you thought was right, and that’s all anyone case ask of you. Dwelling on what could have been is just stupid, because you’re only going to make yourself feel sorry for yourself.
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He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes and shaking his head.]
It’s all in the past, now. It doesn’t matter here.
[He just wanted to make sure Beel was feeling okay, and now he’s the one crying!! How embarrassing…]
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[The tears wouldn't flow if the heart wasn't hurting.
...
He plucks out one of his snack bags of cookies, gently reaching over to deposit it against the teen's leg.]
I've been away from my Father for centuries. I still think my feelings about that matter. Even in a place like this.
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…What was he like? Your father.
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[There's a long, long exhale, the demon's eyes trailing to his lap as he thinks. How would he describe Father?]
Loving. Powerful. Omnipotent.
But he had his rules.
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Did you break them?
[Why else would he not have seen him in centuries?]
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Not at first.
...My little sister did, though.
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[What did she do?]
What was she like?
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His eyes pain as he looks back down at his lap.]
Lilith was bright. Energetic. Curious. Really, really stubborn. She liked to challenge people whether she won or lost. And she loved humanity.
She had a lot of love, even for an angel. It was like being around the sun.
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A loving, omnipotent father with strict rules…
Ah.
It makes sense, with what little he knows of the Bible and Lucifer, but it’s still a surprise to hear. He hadn’t considered it at all.]
…You’re a fallen angel?
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Yeah. It's been a long time, but... all but one of my brothers and I used to be angels. Lilith was, too.
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At least on Haruka’s end.]
Where is Lilith now?
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She fell in love with a human.
We let it happen for a while. Angels aren't supposed to get involved with humanity like that unless you choose to be someone's guardian. But she was so happy... so we didn't intervene.
[There's such complicated guilt that still rises from that, even now. Would it have been better, if anyone had stopped her? Knowing what was to come?]
Eventually the human got sick and was going to die. Lilith snuck food out from the Celestial Realm to extend the human's life, which was forbidden. And when Father found out, He was going to get rid of her. Erase her for her disobedience.
We had a lot of different issues with Father, even before then. But when Father said what He was going to do to our sister, that was the last straw for a lot of us.
When the Celestial War broke out after Lucifer rebelled against our Father, we all took Lucifer's side, including Lilith. But... she was shot from the heavens during the fighting, and fell to her death.
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It won’t change that it all feels so… pointless and cruel. Why should Lilith have been punished for falling in love, even if it was with a human? If He didn’t want that, why make angels that could feel love in the first place?]
I’m sorry, Beel.
[…]
I hope she was at least happy, before everything went wrong.
[Even if it was a fleeting thing.]
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I still feel guilty. That maybe if we'd said something sooner, Father wouldn't have had to intervene. We could have avoided war. Lilith could still be alive. If I'd been faster when the arrow was shot, maybe I could have saved her.
...
But... it's wishful thinking. I can't change our issues with Father, or how he thinks of us. I can't change how he thought of Lilith. And I can't bring her back.
[It still hurts to even acknowledge, to think of her face, to think of Belphie, to think of the sorrow that still hung heavy about her after millenia. But...
He lets out a breath.]
All I can do is... be me. Protect what I know I care about now.
no subject
There’s nothing he can do to make it better.]
You did what you thought was right, and that’s all anyone case ask of you. Dwelling on what could have been is just stupid, because you’re only going to make yourself feel sorry for yourself.
[…]
You’re okay. It won’t happen again.
[He’s sure of it.
(laugh track)]