[He shakes his head once more, though it's far more shallow. He knows Temenos is right, and the logic grounds him where the emotions swell and dig. But there's part of it that isn't quite right, part of it he can't voice now when the hurt feels raw and familiar.]
...It's not about me.
[It's quiet. The tone isn't self-deprecating, merely a tired correction, a desire to be understood.]
Haruka and Xiao are okay. Crea is okay. Nona is okay. [He swallows hard, lifting himself from Temenos's shoulder to look down at him with guilt still heavy on his features, to slide his hands up to cup at the cleric's face.] You're okay.
I want to use the strength I have to protect you. Not to cause you more pain. [His thumb runs against the man's jawline, the fragility of it just as obvious in this moment as it had been during their kiss mere days ago.] I won't be able to forgive myself if I do that to someone again.
[The correction is understood loud and clear, and oh does it sound so achingly familiar.
As Beelzebub states his desire to protect him and the others he holds dear, Temenos now understands the guilt that much better. How everything could have been ruined, had it not been from the most unlikely of interventions.
His hands come to a rest on Beelzebub's sides as he meets his gaze. His own eyes still red and wet, he manages a small smile despite himself.]
What happened yesterday may have shaken me, it did not shake my faith in you. I cannot speak for the others, but I would not be surprised if they felt the same.
[His smile soon fades, though, and he grips onto Beelzebub's jacket.]
The only thing I fear...is the thought of losing you again. So please, whatever trial you face next, I beg of you to not give in to rage. I realize you wish to protect us, but our desire to see you safe is just as strong.
[Beelzebub grows silent at that, his eyes and brow softening in understanding. Though the weight doesn't lift, the message is a familiar one. What self-doubt he has to conquer might have to be on his own. But to hear that verbal confirmation, a fighting of the harshest of feelings from the words of someone that fills him with warmth at their presence...
It's like home, in a way. Not the one he knows. But the one he has, for now.
He clamps down on his words, letting the silence sit with the weight of Temenos against him, eyes not knowing quite where to stay. On him, on his eyes, on that smile that fades away, on the tension of his arms, on the surf that laps at their feet in a grounding rhythm.
...
He notices the pale color, the redness, the sign of tears, and Beelzebub can't help but let his brow furrow slightly, thumb lifting to wipe away what he can.]
Then... I'll stay safe. As best as I can. If you're in trouble, I don't want to stand back and wait. I don't want to be the coward he said I was. But... I also want to be with the ones I care about.
[Much like the gentle touch to his face, Beelzebub's thumb brushing away Temenos's tears surprises him in a great number of ways. The fact that he has been able to let his guard down enough to get this close to someone...he wasn't sure if he could do it again after everything that happened back home. But he hasn't just let his guard down. He's let himself be vulnerable, to feel warm and safe in another's arms. To trust in even the darkest of moments.
His heart really does feel full, and he wants to keep sharing that fulfillment with Beelzebub.]
Nothing would bring me greater relief than having you by my side in my time of need, dear Beelzebub. [He used to jokingly mock such declarations of protection. He's more than capable of fending for himself, after all. But he's come to really appreciate that level of trust- that companionship.] I pray we don't arrive at that point anytime soon, but I don't doubt you'll be there.
[Finally, he is able to let all of the built-up tension since the trial go and welcome the exhaustion waiting in the wings. He lets out a gentle laugh and closes his eyes.]
Admittedly, I have slept very little, if at all, since Thursday night. I have had far too much on my mind.
[While Temenos's eyes are closed, he'll feel Beelzebub shift closer with a gentle, brushing press of his lips, warm against the cleric's cheekbone as his voice stays low, the worry subtle in his voice but evident on his face.]
It's no good to think on a mind that's hungry for sleep.
[There's a pause, as he looks back and forth down either side of the surf, before gently pulling Temenos by the forearms to guide him in the direction of some of the beach chairs.]
[Oh, that's such a sweet kiss. Temenos can't help but smile and let himself lean into it, sliding his arms back around Beelzebub in the process.]
Heheh... You've grown adventurous.
[It's a far cry from just days ago when the demon was afraid to even attempt a kiss in fear of how his body might react. Fortunately for everyone at the party, everything turned out okay. Temenos in particular is more than grateful.
Ah, but it seems getting comfortable is going to have to wait. This really isn't the spot for anyway, he knows that. At least Beelzebub is helping him along.]
Mm. I daresay it is starving right now. [With a sigh,] What terrible timing for it to decide this just as I find you.
[It's more than likely because of that. He can finally sleep soundly now that he knows Beelzebub is okay.]
It's okay. This is something I know how to deal with.
[Remember who his twin was, Temenos?
He'll lead the cleric to one of the more shaded seats, lowering himself down into the chair first as far back as possible in a straddle, shrugging off his jacket before tugging Temenos's wrist to join him.
Beelzebub gets to be your pillow this morning, sir.]
[Temenos remembers, but he couldn't have imagined this would be the solution.
He stands there, surprised for a moment as he realizes what Beelzebub is implying, but he doesn't have time to think about it for long. Before he knows it, he's being pulled down onto the chair.
Scooting up, he shifts to swing his legs up onto the chair and nestles himself against Beelzebub's chest. It's comfortable—more than he figured such a "pillow" would be—and he feels whatever strength he had remaining fading fast.]
Remind me to find you a nice snack after this.
[He whispers, lifting his head one last time to plant a sleepy kiss against Beelzebub's jaw before settling in for that long-overdue rest.]
[It's a quiet little chuckle, but he lets Temenos's weight settle against him, throwing his jacket loosely overtop both of them with one arm tucked against the cleric's shoulders, fishing out his D.D.D. with the other to flick through his applications.
Alarm set. How long could he go without food...
...
He'll give it a couple hours. He thinks, for this, he could manage a little longer than usual.
He settles back, and lets the moment be, the familiar and yet new sounds of the cadence of breath that slows into sleep, the way the body relaxes. He'll protect this. It's surprising, how much he wants to, and how sure he is in his feelings.]
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...It's not about me.
[It's quiet. The tone isn't self-deprecating, merely a tired correction, a desire to be understood.]
Haruka and Xiao are okay. Crea is okay. Nona is okay. [He swallows hard, lifting himself from Temenos's shoulder to look down at him with guilt still heavy on his features, to slide his hands up to cup at the cleric's face.] You're okay.
I want to use the strength I have to protect you. Not to cause you more pain. [His thumb runs against the man's jawline, the fragility of it just as obvious in this moment as it had been during their kiss mere days ago.] I won't be able to forgive myself if I do that to someone again.
no subject
As Beelzebub states his desire to protect him and the others he holds dear, Temenos now understands the guilt that much better. How everything could have been ruined, had it not been from the most unlikely of interventions.
His hands come to a rest on Beelzebub's sides as he meets his gaze. His own eyes still red and wet, he manages a small smile despite himself.]
What happened yesterday may have shaken me, it did not shake my faith in you. I cannot speak for the others, but I would not be surprised if they felt the same.
[His smile soon fades, though, and he grips onto Beelzebub's jacket.]
The only thing I fear...is the thought of losing you again. So please, whatever trial you face next, I beg of you to not give in to rage. I realize you wish to protect us, but our desire to see you safe is just as strong.
no subject
It's like home, in a way. Not the one he knows. But the one he has, for now.
He clamps down on his words, letting the silence sit with the weight of Temenos against him, eyes not knowing quite where to stay. On him, on his eyes, on that smile that fades away, on the tension of his arms, on the surf that laps at their feet in a grounding rhythm.
...
He notices the pale color, the redness, the sign of tears, and Beelzebub can't help but let his brow furrow slightly, thumb lifting to wipe away what he can.]
Then... I'll stay safe. As best as I can. If you're in trouble, I don't want to stand back and wait. I don't want to be the coward he said I was. But... I also want to be with the ones I care about.
...
You look so tired.
no subject
His heart really does feel full, and he wants to keep sharing that fulfillment with Beelzebub.]
Nothing would bring me greater relief than having you by my side in my time of need, dear Beelzebub. [He used to jokingly mock such declarations of protection. He's more than capable of fending for himself, after all. But he's come to really appreciate that level of trust- that companionship.] I pray we don't arrive at that point anytime soon, but I don't doubt you'll be there.
[Finally, he is able to let all of the built-up tension since the trial go and welcome the exhaustion waiting in the wings. He lets out a gentle laugh and closes his eyes.]
Admittedly, I have slept very little, if at all, since Thursday night. I have had far too much on my mind.
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It's no good to think on a mind that's hungry for sleep.
[There's a pause, as he looks back and forth down either side of the surf, before gently pulling Temenos by the forearms to guide him in the direction of some of the beach chairs.]
Come on. Follow me.
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Heheh... You've grown adventurous.
[It's a far cry from just days ago when the demon was afraid to even attempt a kiss in fear of how his body might react. Fortunately for everyone at the party, everything turned out okay. Temenos in particular is more than grateful.
Ah, but it seems getting comfortable is going to have to wait. This really isn't the spot for anyway, he knows that. At least Beelzebub is helping him along.]
Mm. I daresay it is starving right now. [With a sigh,] What terrible timing for it to decide this just as I find you.
[It's more than likely because of that. He can finally sleep soundly now that he knows Beelzebub is okay.]
no subject
[Remember who his twin was, Temenos?
He'll lead the cleric to one of the more shaded seats, lowering himself down into the chair first as far back as possible in a straddle, shrugging off his jacket before tugging Temenos's wrist to join him.
Beelzebub gets to be your pillow this morning, sir.]
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He stands there, surprised for a moment as he realizes what Beelzebub is implying, but he doesn't have time to think about it for long. Before he knows it, he's being pulled down onto the chair.
Scooting up, he shifts to swing his legs up onto the chair and nestles himself against Beelzebub's chest. It's comfortable—more than he figured such a "pillow" would be—and he feels whatever strength he had remaining fading fast.]
Remind me to find you a nice snack after this.
[He whispers, lifting his head one last time to plant a sleepy kiss against Beelzebub's jaw before settling in for that long-overdue rest.]
no subject
[It's a quiet little chuckle, but he lets Temenos's weight settle against him, throwing his jacket loosely overtop both of them with one arm tucked against the cleric's shoulders, fishing out his D.D.D. with the other to flick through his applications.
Alarm set. How long could he go without food...
...
He'll give it a couple hours. He thinks, for this, he could manage a little longer than usual.
He settles back, and lets the moment be, the familiar and yet new sounds of the cadence of breath that slows into sleep, the way the body relaxes. He'll protect this. It's surprising, how much he wants to, and how sure he is in his feelings.]
Sleep well, Temenos.