SATURDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL (The World)

[gluttoning]

[FOOTBALL NOISES

aka this for IRL football watching or any communications outside Fragment. Yay football. :)]

Comments

[tylorific]

Oh, we'd figure it out! Hospitals are busy and full of wheelchairs too. I got in tonight, didn't I?

[ His response is playful now, smile in his voice. And don't mind him trying to find a marker to match Bear's actual hair. He even leans on one arm again to hold one up to check how close it is. But he gets distracted asking-- ]

Really? Why did you think that?

[gluttoning]

Yeah, but I've got a big thing over three feet long you'd have to get through doors somehow. I don't think we'd be moving very fast.

[It's a very silly mental image, even as he looks for a reddish color--]

Oh. Well.

You haven't really known me that long. You're not like my teammates, or my family.

I thought it might be something you'd see me once about, and then go home. You've got lives to live, right?

[tylorific]

Sure, but I haven't known any of you that long.

[ He says it too breezy. But, right, Tylor has been trying to get better at this. Instead of leaving things vague like normal, he pauses after he sits back with his marker. ]

Well, actually, I didn't really have any friends before the beta.

You're a really nice guy and you care about everyone so much. I want to take care of you too sometimes, I think.

[gluttoning]

[He'd roll his eyes a little at the comeback, but Tylor continuing forces him to stop the urge before it starts, pausing to look him over a little.]

...Do you get lonely a lot, Tylor?

[tylorific]

... not so much anymore.

[ He doesn't turn away again just yet. ]

What about you?

[gluttoning]

...Sometimes.

[He's not doing a very good job at this mandala, but he's still trying to stay in the lines.]

I never really liked being left alone.

It's easier when my family's so big, though. We always have someone.

[tylorific]

Oh, I see.

[ Tylor watches his face as he answers, gaze drifting to the mandala. Sharing, it still takes an effort but somehow it isn't so hard like this. ]

Me neither.

But is that really what it's like, having a big family?

[gluttoning]

I don't know if it is for everyone. But it is for us.

[Finished with the red, he slips it back into the package, trying to find another color to move on to.]

Only one time that I remember it really wasn't like that.

[tylorific]

Oh. When was that?

[ Tylor's voice is still soft as he watches. ]

cw: parental abuse

[gluttoning]

A while ago. I was twelve, I think.

[He works on easing out a yellow color.]

Our dad was a piece of work. It took a while for us to be able to get away from him. Didn't happen overnight, either.

For a while, while the courts were arguing about medical stuff, it was just my twin and I stuck with him. That man would separate us a lot if he got mad. Called it discipline. I'd always wonder if Booker was going to be okay. He needed a lot of care. Dad didn't always give it to him, even though he told the courts he did.

I hated those kind of nights.

[tylorific]

That's not a real father.

[ The words come too fast, with an edge that Bear hasn't heard from him before, then he pauses.

Bear had mentioned them before. Booker, the others. Tylor had been learning the brothers showed up while he was around, without even trying. But this detail is new. He moves to reach for Bear's hand, only to stop himself again. ]

Is it harder for you to sleep alone?

[ The too, goes unspoken. Because napping in game is better than sleeping alone offline. ]

[gluttoning]

[Hm. It's weird to hear Tylor actually get some bite to him.

Barrett exhales sharply, expression taking on a bitter edge.]

He's got no part of us now. So I don't care what he is anymore. He just needs to leave us alone.

[The yellow travels the paper, his pace hesitating as he lets his eyes glance up at Tylor, then back to what he's doing.]

...Sometimes. For a while, I couldn't manage it unless someone held my hand.

It's gotten a little easier now that I'm older. I know they're all okay now. I'd like to keep it that way.

[tylorific]

I walked until I couldn't anymore. Sometimes I got lost.

[ Tylor answers, now that he's turning back to the cast. The lion's mane is calling him. ]

It'll all work out though. All you can do is your best, and the rest will sort itself out in the end.

You can call me anytime though, you know. I'm not like you, able to handle all these responsibilities and worries. I can be there for Hani and Morgan though. For you.

[gluttoning]

[To walk until he just dropped from exhaustion... Barrett hates that he can relate to the feeling of it, even though the thought doesn't reach his lips.]

...You still think so...?

I'm glad you're still trying to say as much, Tylor. I... don't know if I believe it all that much right now.

[tylorific]

I really do, whether you believe me or not.

But it's okay, you don't have to believe it too. The world would be pretty boring if we were all the same.

[gluttoning]

I guess.

[The pen halts, bleeding color through the paper, past the lines.]

I just wonder what my best will be anymore.

[tylorific]

Whatever your best is, is always enough.

Bear, are you worried about not being strong enough?

[ As he asks it, he turns to face Bear. Genuine care lives there in dark blue, but he doesn't think he's wrong either.

He caps his own marker without looking, resting one hand against his cast. Eyes on Bear, Tylor's thumb rubs idly where it can be seen but not truly felt; petting the Lion's head as if that could fix his leg.

This time, Tylor does reach for Bear's hand with the other, dropping his own marker along the way to reach for where ink is bleeding through, to stop the flooding. For once, his height is useful, when he's stretched and not slouching. ]

[gluttoning]

[...]

I...

[He watches Tylor's hand move to stop his own, and his eyes drift away.]

...I don't want to talk about it, Tylor.

This isn't something I can bounce back from. And I'm...

I can't be like you.

[tylorific]

No, you don't have to be like me. And we don't have to talk about it, either.

[ His focus is Bear's hand now, drawing both of Tylor's own. ]

But there's nothing that would change how I think about you. [ Tylor shifts to look at Bear's handiwork like a fluid bend in a river: ] Oh, pretty. So, do you like the coloring book?

[gluttoning]

...How you think about me? [But the topic changes around him, his hand now held, his attention now drawn from what he was doing. There isn't much to it. Idle colors filling idle spaces, bleeding into one another from time to time, not even a quarter of the way done.]

Oh. I haven't done once since I was little. But... I like it. It's easier to pass the time.

[tylorific]

Really? I'm glad. They make all kinds of these now, and a lot more ways to color them in too.

[ Tylor goes on breezily, but he doesn't release Bear's hand. A beat spent gazing over the unfinished work, and then he's circling back to Bear's question anyway. He breathes a little laugh, but goes on with a softer playfulness: ]

I don't know if you'll really believe me if I tell you what I think about you. How you're still the strongest guy I know. Or how I've never met anyone as kind as you and you deserve all the love you have. And sure, maybe you're too hard on yourself, but I don't need to know anything else to say you've been through a lot. It's okay to let yourself relax and be sad sometimes. If I could ease some of that tension for you, I really would.

However you're feeling, whatever you're up to, I like hanging out with you. And we're so different sometimes, it's fun to try and understand. But the more I learn the more I like trying, you know?

[gluttoning]

[Some of the comments sting - it's not Tylor's fault, he can't know what hasn't been told to him. But, oddly enough, he finds himself following Tylor's winding reasoning. A simplicity and frankness to it that makes sense, even if his emotions fight it.]

...

You still think all that? Even with how I was treating you while Morgan was...

[Gone. Not dead, not missing, because Tylor had been right to doubt that. But the void had been there, and that tense and awkward interaction into the grassy fields had still happened with their hearts both raw and their emotions in two separate zip codes.

...]

I wish I could understand you better. Hani, too. But...

It's hard. And I feel bad, sometimes. Like I can't keep up with how you feel or think.

[His eyes drop back to the sharpie, the paper that blooms color from his own stopped hand.]

...Maybe that's my fault, though

[tylorific]

I do still think all of that, right now and back then. It's your heart that matters to me, and you've got a sweet one that deserves to be happy. So how could I get mad when I knew you were hurting? We both missed him a lot, didn't we?

[ Tylor shakes his head at Bear's last line. ]

Communication takes effort both ways, so it's never anyone's fault on their own. So don't worry about keeping up, just remember we like being around you as you are. Just be yourself.

Hani and I are, we're used to people thinking we're too much, it's alright.

Oh, but if you ever really want to know anything, you can ask us. Answering your questions is always fun.

[ A little laugh, ending on a joke because he knows he was probably proving his point about being Too Much just now. A joke, but too soft-- ]

You know.. it's sort of funny actually. I've been trying to get better at explaining stuff like this. How am I doing? Any better?

[gluttoning]

...Mn. I still said some really nasty things to you, though. I think... it might have felt better, in a way, to know you could have been mad at me. Being hurt doesn't mean I deserved to act like that, or that you deserved to just take it.

You were hurting, too.

[And it's that lack of feeling a connection that is the most frustrating part of Tylor, he thinks. Where they skirt understanding and, when Barrett thinks he might have it, Tylor swerves again to a frame of mind Barrett can't follow... Like trying to keep an air-filled ball underwater for a few moments to acknowledge the possible leaks, when all it wants is to float.]

...I don't know that I'd call you guys too much. It just... doesn't always make sense to me, the way you both choose to feel.

[Still, he can't ignore Tylor has changed since they first met. He feels there's at least some bits and pieces to hold onto now, even if they're slippery. So he gives a careful nod.]

A little. I've noticed you're trying harder. Saying more and insisting a little less.

I'm not good at thinking of questions to ask, though.

[tylorific]

I still don't think I understand that part. Why do people expect me to be so mad all the time? Does not crying or not getting mad make the rest of my feelings matter less?

[ There's no heat in it, just innocent curiosity that drifts. ]

But I'm not choosing, I'm not even trying to not be mad. I can just, usually understand why people might do things.

[ Tylor squeezes his hand at that, not caring about the color thats probably blotting his own palm. ] Thanks. Then I'll keep trying.

Oh, but let's see--how about: what's something you've always wanted to ask someone but never have? Can be anything.