I will never ask you to repay anything, Crea. Everything I've done was not because I expected to be praised, recognized, or repaid.
[ Ha. He's a hypocrite, he knows he is, he knows deep down that he feels the same way that Crea does. He will never be able to repay the kindness people have shown him here, and while he isn't as hung up on others' expectations for him -- he just needs to do what he has to -- he is aware that most people here know very little about him. ]
You could kill someone, but so could I. I can't even guarantee that the expectations that you have for me are ones that I will be able to uphold forever, either. But I don't care to talk about all of these hypotheticals right now. All I care about is what to expect of you now, in the present, while we are still here.
[ He, too, will do what he needs to in order to fulfill his mission. And while his mission may be perceived as more altruistic than Crea's, it doesn't change the fact that they are both one step away from becoming the monsters they loathe so much. ]
I am well-aware that I may be coming from a place of bias, but I am not one to give up so easily on the people I value. I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.
[ that is not the answer that he expected either, but nothing about this conversation has been. xiao's responses leave him speechless as he's unable to argue any longer.
he laughs softly, brokenly, feeling the corners of his eyes burning as tears well up and roll down his cheeks.
'I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.'
'Originia?' 'Where Rchimedes is from?' 'The village of devils?' 'Everyone there should be dead.' 'No, I heard before that there were survivors' 'They should be...
...Rchimedes' sons' ]
I think that a great many people would disagree in my world with that. [ ... ] I don't know what you should expect from me. But I can say with confidence that I didn't want to kill anyone at any point. And in case you might doubt me for Skywarp's unresolved murder... that also wasn't me. All I wanted to do was keep my head down during these weeks and hope to survive.
[ a coward's way out, sure. but if it's for the sake of survival, then there's no low that he's not willing to reach. ]
[ Xiao is quiet for a bit, as he sees tears well up in Crea's eyes. They roll down his cheeks, and Xiao lowers his arms to his sides. He casts his gaze downwards towards the ground as he gathers his thoughts.
Then, he moves and sits on the bed, next to Crea. ]
I never suspected you for Skywarp's murder.
[ Truth be told, his convictions are telling him to pursue the true culprit, but he is too tired. He is too tired and focused on the people in his life to press further. ]
You said you did not like killing people. I believe it. Even if you did...my fight would not be with you, or anyone who's killed here. In the end, I suppose we all have at least a little blood on our hands.
[ ... ]
And if you want to continue keeping your head down, that's alright. I will be here, regardless of what you decide.
Hah. You lot are strange. You've seen some of my worst and yet you're all probably going to decide to keep me around. Jeez, I kind of wish we had that sort of support when Sii-tan and I were actual heroes...
[ would sion not have given in so easily into despair? would they have been able to live quietly in the mountains, near people that supported them?
none of that really matters now. they've chosen their life. but it is nice to know that he can still feel genuinely happy, if only for a moment. ]
Of course. While I cannot speak for Beelzebub or Nona, I can accept what's happened. I may not like it, but it doesn't mean I don't like you.
[ Crea thinks of himself as a bad person, and perhaps he is one, but Xiao is not here to be the judge of that. He can have his opinions, but he will largely let other people form their own opinions of everyone here.
Waltaquin liked Sonya.
Lacus cried over Lobelia.
Nona grieved Kanon.
If those things can be true, then Xiao can still love Crea. ]
Hang in there. You can make it out of here, alive. And regardless of what you're going to when you get back home, I hope that you will still have some fond memories of the time the four of us have spent together.
That I've no doubt of. My memories of us four as a group are fond ones. I really will miss you all, once this is over.
[ it makes him a bit sad, actually. if he could convince sion to find something else, if were any other form of salvation than his (their) shitty (in crea's eyes) boss, maybe they could go out and find actual peace.
( this will all be hilarious when he finds out that his boss is probably dead, but that's neither here nor there. )]
Xiao takes a moment to let that sink in. Sure, he'd just said Crea would go back home himself, but rarely has it really occurred to him that he'd have to go back home and, quite possibly, never see people like Crea, Nona, or Beel ever again. Haruka, too. It leaves an empty feeling in his chest, and for a second, his expression flickers to something sad.
And then Crea mentions that he's indebted to him, and Xiao shakes his head. ]
Hm. I'd say you'd already paid it off, if you want to continue thinking of it that way. ... I don't often get the chance to connect with people in the way I have here. I am grateful for you, for that reason. That's more than enough for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gluttoning) wrote2023-05-13 09:30 pm
no subject
[ Ha. He's a hypocrite, he knows he is, he knows deep down that he feels the same way that Crea does. He will never be able to repay the kindness people have shown him here, and while he isn't as hung up on others' expectations for him -- he just needs to do what he has to -- he is aware that most people here know very little about him. ]
You could kill someone, but so could I. I can't even guarantee that the expectations that you have for me are ones that I will be able to uphold forever, either. But I don't care to talk about all of these hypotheticals right now. All I care about is what to expect of you now, in the present, while we are still here.
[ He, too, will do what he needs to in order to fulfill his mission. And while his mission may be perceived as more altruistic than Crea's, it doesn't change the fact that they are both one step away from becoming the monsters they loathe so much. ]
I am well-aware that I may be coming from a place of bias, but I am not one to give up so easily on the people I value. I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.
no subject
he laughs softly, brokenly, feeling the corners of his eyes burning as tears well up and roll down his cheeks.
'I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.'
'Originia?' 'Where Rchimedes is from?' 'The village of devils?' 'Everyone there should be dead.' 'No, I heard before that there were survivors' 'They should be...
...Rchimedes' sons' ]
I think that a great many people would disagree in my world with that. [ ... ] I don't know what you should expect from me. But I can say with confidence that I didn't want to kill anyone at any point. And in case you might doubt me for Skywarp's unresolved murder... that also wasn't me. All I wanted to do was keep my head down during these weeks and hope to survive.
[ a coward's way out, sure. but if it's for the sake of survival, then there's no low that he's not willing to reach. ]
no subject
Then, he moves and sits on the bed, next to Crea. ]
I never suspected you for Skywarp's murder.
[ Truth be told, his convictions are telling him to pursue the true culprit, but he is too tired. He is too tired and focused on the people in his life to press further. ]
You said you did not like killing people. I believe it. Even if you did...my fight would not be with you, or anyone who's killed here. In the end, I suppose we all have at least a little blood on our hands.
[ ... ]
And if you want to continue keeping your head down, that's alright. I will be here, regardless of what you decide.
no subject
[ would sion not have given in so easily into despair? would they have been able to live quietly in the mountains, near people that supported them?
none of that really matters now. they've chosen their life. but it is nice to know that he can still feel genuinely happy, if only for a moment. ]
no subject
[ Crea thinks of himself as a bad person, and perhaps he is one, but Xiao is not here to be the judge of that. He can have his opinions, but he will largely let other people form their own opinions of everyone here.
Waltaquin liked Sonya.
Lacus cried over Lobelia.
Nona grieved Kanon.
If those things can be true, then Xiao can still love Crea. ]
Hang in there. You can make it out of here, alive. And regardless of what you're going to when you get back home, I hope that you will still have some fond memories of the time the four of us have spent together.
no subject
[ it makes him a bit sad, actually. if he could convince sion to find something else, if were any other form of salvation than his (their) shitty (in crea's eyes) boss, maybe they could go out and find actual peace.
( this will all be hilarious when he finds out that his boss is probably dead, but that's neither here nor there. )]
Thanks, Xiao. Once again, I am indebted to you.
no subject
Xiao takes a moment to let that sink in. Sure, he'd just said Crea would go back home himself, but rarely has it really occurred to him that he'd have to go back home and, quite possibly, never see people like Crea, Nona, or Beel ever again. Haruka, too. It leaves an empty feeling in his chest, and for a second, his expression flickers to something sad.
And then Crea mentions that he's indebted to him, and Xiao shakes his head. ]
Hm. I'd say you'd already paid it off, if you want to continue thinking of it that way. ... I don't often get the chance to connect with people in the way I have here. I am grateful for you, for that reason. That's more than enough for me.