[“To be fair, it’s hard to be happy in a place like this” is what Haruka wants to say at first. Just dismiss it all entirely, because it’s not like that’s not true.
But…
It’s complicated. It feels stupid to think of something like this as complicated, when it probably can’t even compare to the things a demon that’s lived for thousands of years has seen. Hell, it’s probably not even that bad. Beelzebub probably doesn’t even really care, or see him as anything more then a nuisance who doesn’t know when to shut up.
He tenses, gritting his teeth before forcing himself to take a deep breath.]
I haven’t told you how I became an idol, have I?
[He knows he hasn’t. He hasn’t told anyone, besides vaguely telling Chuuya he was scouted.]
[There's a rustle of both grass and chip bags as the demon lifts to his feet, a handful of his leftover snackbags in one wrist as he breaks the distance, plopping down next to Haruka.]
You haven't told me much about it at all. Just that there's nothing quite like performing, and that your grandmother supports you.
For being something you're so good at... you don't seem to like talking about it. So I didn't think it was good to ask.
Some people I know have wanted to be musicians or idols since they were kids, but I didn’t really think much about it. I sang in the choir at the church near my grandmother’s house sometimes, but... that was it.
[He pauses, wondering again if this is even worth talking about, before pushing on.]
One day a man approached me - Kujou. He said he thought I had a lot of potential, that I could end up being a great idol, even better then the best, if I went with him and trained a bit more. He...
[Kujou said a lot of things to him.]
He even said he'd be my new dad, right? And I know I... told you my parents died, so... it seemed perfect. Things would be better for my grandmother if there was someone else to take care of me and help out, and I liked singing and performing at church, so... I went with him.
[Another pause, as he glances over at Beel.]
He was the one who told me to think the fans would poison me. I listened to him, and I did all sorts of lessons and training. Voice, dance, acting... I wanted him to be proud of me, which is so stupid, because I would never be any better then who he actually decided to make his son. I was just a failed project of his, and always would be, so he sent me back to Japan.
[He was so stupid. He still is stupid, sitting here right now.]
That's when I met Ryou, who was looking to start an idol group that would change things up. He offered me the chance to get back at Kujou, and I took it. So that's how I ended up a part of ZOOL.
[It's the most he thinks he's ever heard Haruka say in one sitting without changing the subject or clamming up.
Beelzebub stays quiet, popping open a snack bag but even slowing his own snackage to make sure he's not interrupting. A boy with very little, given an opportunity, wanting love and help, and... something happened?
And now he was left to pick up the pieces, and find success elsewhere.
...]
Why do you think it's stupid?
It's not stupid to want someone to be proud of you.
[Granted, he doesn't know any of the details. But Haruka must be holding onto so much guilt that didn't belong. It seems best to state it plainly.]
It sounds like he gave promises he didn't keep. The job of a father isn't to tear his children down the second they aren't what he hoped they would be and send them away.
...It's not stupid to want someone to be proud, Haruka. It isn't.
[Beelzebub… is far too nice for someone for Haruka, even if this is all he’s wanted from someone. He doesn’t know the things Haruka’s done because of the resentment he held for Kujou, though it, again, seems like something stupid to bring up to a demon.
He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes and shaking his head.]
It’s all in the past, now. It doesn’t matter here.
[He just wanted to make sure Beel was feeling okay, and now he’s the one crying!! How embarrassing…]
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I'll be fine, Haruka.
If you want to talk, though, just come around the side of the building. I'm not answering the door for anybody right now.
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He's going to make his way back to Dodo, and just. Sit up against the wall.]
"i'll eventually be fine" isn't the same thing as "i'm fine right now", you know
the right now is important too
i'm outside btw. i don't want to be too loud just in case someone decides to get nosy
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Beelzebub...
[It's whiny hours, apparently.]
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He looks over his shoulder at the whine, expression not budging.]
Are you going to call me stupid again?
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[He takes a seat, keeping space between them because it seems like... he probably wants it.]
...I really am sorry for saying that. I wasn't thinking.
[He has a wonderful knack for putting his foot in his mouth.]
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[A slow exhale.]
I forgive you.
It hurt. But you seem like you have a lot of strong feelings in the moment.
Does that get you in trouble a lot?
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…It does, sometimes. I’ve not… gotten very good at holding back yet.
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[He's heard Haruka sing. The kid is talented.]
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Because if the fans see something they don't like, they'll turn on me. That's all it takes for ZOOL to get destroyed.
[...]
When I was doing lessons, I was told I should look at the fans like they're a poison, because they'll just break my heart.
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That just sounds to me like you can't be liked for who you actually are.
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[There’s a pause.]
Well, that’s just how it is. Sometimes you can be close enough, but it’s not unusual for people to have images nothing like how they really are.
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I think it's worth it.
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You don't look it. Happy, I mean.
You do when you're singing. When you're talking about your grandmother, too.
But since you've sat down a few minutes ago, you don't look happy at all, talking about any of this.
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But…
It’s complicated. It feels stupid to think of something like this as complicated, when it probably can’t even compare to the things a demon that’s lived for thousands of years has seen. Hell, it’s probably not even that bad. Beelzebub probably doesn’t even really care, or see him as anything more then a nuisance who doesn’t know when to shut up.
He tenses, gritting his teeth before forcing himself to take a deep breath.]
I haven’t told you how I became an idol, have I?
[He knows he hasn’t. He hasn’t told anyone, besides vaguely telling Chuuya he was scouted.]
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[There's a rustle of both grass and chip bags as the demon lifts to his feet, a handful of his leftover snackbags in one wrist as he breaks the distance, plopping down next to Haruka.]
You haven't told me much about it at all. Just that there's nothing quite like performing, and that your grandmother supports you.
For being something you're so good at... you don't seem to like talking about it. So I didn't think it was good to ask.
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Some people I know have wanted to be musicians or idols since they were kids, but I didn’t really think much about it. I sang in the choir at the church near my grandmother’s house sometimes, but... that was it.
[He pauses, wondering again if this is even worth talking about, before pushing on.]
One day a man approached me - Kujou. He said he thought I had a lot of potential, that I could end up being a great idol, even better then the best, if I went with him and trained a bit more. He...
[Kujou said a lot of things to him.]
He even said he'd be my new dad, right? And I know I... told you my parents died, so... it seemed perfect. Things would be better for my grandmother if there was someone else to take care of me and help out, and I liked singing and performing at church, so... I went with him.
[Another pause, as he glances over at Beel.]
He was the one who told me to think the fans would poison me. I listened to him, and I did all sorts of lessons and training. Voice, dance, acting... I wanted him to be proud of me, which is so stupid, because I would never be any better then who he actually decided to make his son. I was just a failed project of his, and always would be, so he sent me back to Japan.
[He was so stupid. He still is stupid, sitting here right now.]
That's when I met Ryou, who was looking to start an idol group that would change things up. He offered me the chance to get back at Kujou, and I took it. So that's how I ended up a part of ZOOL.
[Haruka laughs, weak and bitter.]
That's how it all started. Stupid, right?
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Beelzebub stays quiet, popping open a snack bag but even slowing his own snackage to make sure he's not interrupting. A boy with very little, given an opportunity, wanting love and help, and... something happened?
And now he was left to pick up the pieces, and find success elsewhere.
...]
Why do you think it's stupid?
It's not stupid to want someone to be proud of you.
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[Which is obvious only in retrospect, truly, but it’s still something that makes Haruka feel pathetic.
He had gotten his hopes up, like a fool.]
He wanted something that I wouldn’t ever be, and he never wanted me to be a part of his family like Kujou Tenn and Aya.
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[Granted, he doesn't know any of the details. But Haruka must be holding onto so much guilt that didn't belong. It seems best to state it plainly.]
It sounds like he gave promises he didn't keep. The job of a father isn't to tear his children down the second they aren't what he hoped they would be and send them away.
...It's not stupid to want someone to be proud, Haruka. It isn't.
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He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes and shaking his head.]
It’s all in the past, now. It doesn’t matter here.
[He just wanted to make sure Beel was feeling okay, and now he’s the one crying!! How embarrassing…]
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[The tears wouldn't flow if the heart wasn't hurting.
...
He plucks out one of his snack bags of cookies, gently reaching over to deposit it against the teen's leg.]
I've been away from my Father for centuries. I still think my feelings about that matter. Even in a place like this.
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