( Ah. Was he the one who called? Well, it's just as well. He's glad they get to talk. Still talk, even if it doesn't feel so long, even if he's sore he missed the game and their movie.
And the soreness feels so much less against the sound of Barrett's relief, his smile. JHe wants... )
... Sorry for scaring you. ( Did he say that already? He doesn't remember. He'll say it again. Sorry I was gone. Thank you for missing me. Thank you for holding onto me. ) It wasn't your fault.
( Barrett hasn't said anything, but... he felt that guilt once upon a time, and he knows now Barrett's intent to protect him and others, and he wonders. )
It comes up, and then dies down. A kneejerk reaction. Morgan has explained enough for him to know. And yet, the scratching voice in the back of his mind still insists. He could have done better. He should have.
He cared about this person enough to save them when they needed it, didn't he?
Didn't he...
...]
I know. It wasn't yours, either. I'm not angry.
[Extremely unfortunate, but a better outcome than he expected. Not a great one, but...
He wishes he could carry the same faith Hani and Tylor had been insisting on since day one. Regret sits, that pit deep in his stomach, at how he's feeling, at what he's been saying. Being mournful when there was apparently never anything to mourn.
But... to pretend he didn't miss Morgan, that he had such a difficulty with trying to process Morgan possibly being gone... while he could let the gentle evolution of his feelings quietly hide under the mud, to be quiet and ignore the loss? There's no way on earth he could even think about it.
...]
...Hey Morgan. Um.
Do you want me to stay with you? Until you fall asleep?
( He didn't think Barrett was angry, doesn't know why he feels like he has to specify he isn't, unless it's something people have gotten mad at him for. Blaming him for things. That sounds familiar. It's something to wonder when he's a little more clear-headed.
Until then... He hesitates, but is strange state of mind - half lucid, half not fully oriented - makes it easier for words to slip from him, silly as he'd normally find them. )
I can't hold your hand or anything. But I'll be here.
[He doesn't care that he might end up stiff and exhausted. He wants to be able to do something. If it's giving Morgan a little bit of company to fall asleep with... he doesn't mind a little discomfort.]
( At least here, he sounds content - better than he has all call. )
I'll see you soon, so...
( He'll stay on the line for as long as he can manage, even try to continue some vague idea of a conversation that slowly drifts into lower and lower murmurs, but he's exhausted, despite all his sleep.
He'll see Barrett soon. He just has to believe that. )
[As promised, he stays on the line. Even when the conversation starts to grow to mumbled nonsense, he lets Morgan hear his voice, quiet and affirming. He's still here. It's okay. He's still here.
It's when the noises finally drift, when he can hear nothing but breathing, that Barrett finally ends the call, a hesitant click of the red button against the keypad. His legs are stiff. His body aches. His chest feels both full and like someone has reached in to rip something apart in him. It's an ache he knows, and yet doesn't.
The fear of separation, soothed, but only for now. Only for now.
He opens up the forums from his phone, cursing the bad wifi and the dark lighting. He stays on long enough to give a report. But his eyes can only focus for so long. He's been up for 21 hours and his body is starting to go numb in a way that only exhaustion could do.
He's in bed by 2am. He's up by 6. He barely makes it through his jog. Barely makes it through the airport. But at least, when he falls asleep on the plane for the 2 hour trip... it brings only restful darkness, and nothing more.
Morgan will be okay now. He just has to believe that.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And the soreness feels so much less against the sound of Barrett's relief, his smile. JHe wants... )
... Sorry for scaring you. ( Did he say that already? He doesn't remember. He'll say it again. Sorry I was gone. Thank you for missing me. Thank you for holding onto me. ) It wasn't your fault.
( Barrett hasn't said anything, but... he felt that guilt once upon a time, and he knows now Barrett's intent to protect him and others, and he wonders. )
no subject
It comes up, and then dies down. A kneejerk reaction. Morgan has explained enough for him to know. And yet, the scratching voice in the back of his mind still insists. He could have done better. He should have.
He cared about this person enough to save them when they needed it, didn't he?
Didn't he...
...]
I know. It wasn't yours, either. I'm not angry.
[Extremely unfortunate, but a better outcome than he expected. Not a great one, but...
He wishes he could carry the same faith Hani and Tylor had been insisting on since day one. Regret sits, that pit deep in his stomach, at how he's feeling, at what he's been saying. Being mournful when there was apparently never anything to mourn.
But... to pretend he didn't miss Morgan, that he had such a difficulty with trying to process Morgan possibly being gone... while he could let the gentle evolution of his feelings quietly hide under the mud, to be quiet and ignore the loss? There's no way on earth he could even think about it.
...]
...Hey Morgan. Um.
Do you want me to stay with you? Until you fall asleep?
no subject
Until then... He hesitates, but is strange state of mind - half lucid, half not fully oriented - makes it easier for words to slip from him, silly as he'd normally find them. )
... Can you?
no subject
I can't hold your hand or anything. But I'll be here.
[He doesn't care that he might end up stiff and exhausted. He wants to be able to do something. If it's giving Morgan a little bit of company to fall asleep with... he doesn't mind a little discomfort.]
no subject
( At least here, he sounds content - better than he has all call. )
I'll see you soon, so...
( He'll stay on the line for as long as he can manage, even try to continue some vague idea of a conversation that slowly drifts into lower and lower murmurs, but he's exhausted, despite all his sleep.
He'll see Barrett soon. He just has to believe that. )
no subject
It's when the noises finally drift, when he can hear nothing but breathing, that Barrett finally ends the call, a hesitant click of the red button against the keypad. His legs are stiff. His body aches. His chest feels both full and like someone has reached in to rip something apart in him. It's an ache he knows, and yet doesn't.
The fear of separation, soothed, but only for now. Only for now.
He opens up the forums from his phone, cursing the bad wifi and the dark lighting. He stays on long enough to give a report. But his eyes can only focus for so long. He's been up for 21 hours and his body is starting to go numb in a way that only exhaustion could do.
He's in bed by 2am. He's up by 6. He barely makes it through his jog. Barely makes it through the airport. But at least, when he falls asleep on the plane for the 2 hour trip... it brings only restful darkness, and nothing more.
Morgan will be okay now. He just has to believe that.]