( His fingers at Barrett's chest curl in tighter, a heat bubbling in his chest, flames licking up his throat. This is dangerous - this is distraction. Gone wayside from ensuring himself eaten, he might - begin to forget himself so empty. He'd felt this way, a little bit, in the hospital; he'd felt this some in the hot springs, and the beginning of it in Barrett's half-used bedroom in the guild. A threat that he might feel steady, that he might feel anchored.
It's a terrible thing. To accept Barrett means to accept the big and broad world as something to live in, not give up on. Barrett wouldn't want him to find meaning in one person alone. And that's - a big ask. It was so easy when anger filled him; it was a fire violence could eject, but - this?
And still, and yet, like a rumbling earthquake it moves him, and leaves a heavy thumping in his chest. )
... It's...
( His gaze falls from Brett's earnest face, and he wonders if only Barrett can see these things, from his angle, the way only Mithrun can see how Barrett looks now. Barrett didn't understand when Mithrun said he liked how he looked when he smiled - had he ever seen himself like this? Did he know the depth of the trouble he's caused, wanting Mithrun to stay? )
... It's easier to try when you're here. I don't know why. ( Try, even with the conviction that he can never be full. ) Living is... carrying this empty. Walking with risk of loss. That's hard. But...
( And maybe that's what scares him most. That he has to feel the way he's felt these past two years - forever? That's a lot. It's hard to gaze out into the world and feel like you're not a part of it. )
... But if... if I tried... would you walk with me?
( Even if Barrett can't promise forever. Even though Mithrun knows he's a burden, that he still needs help, and maybe he always will need some. That's a lot - that's a lot to ask of someone else. )
[He feels, maybe, if he'd heard these words even a month prior, he wouldn't understand completely about the possible weight they carried. He wouldn't understand the idea of pushing on with life despite an empty feeling clawing up.
Maybe it's not the same feeling between them... but there's a raw fear that's come with his own accident, with trying to process it, that makes him pause at the carefully worded struggle Morgan voices. An empathy, knowing the deep hole looks impossible from the inside.
So he doesn't offer the reassurances he might have weeks ago. He doesn't deny that it will be hard.
It's not his choice. All he can do is share his feelings.
Morgan looks away, and Barrett leans back into him with the touch of his temple. So Morgan can feel the careful, steady nod of his head if he doesn't trust his own eyes.]
Mn. I think... I'd really like to be there. As long as I can.
[Even if there isn't much he can do anymore other than be a companion. Even if all he's left with is to watch. Maybe it could be some protection, something useful.
To be enough.]
We'll find our way through Fragment. I know we will. I'm going to be reunited with everybody I care about by the end of this. And I want you to be there, too.
( Barrett's slight weight, his presence, is a balm. And when he speaks with such confidence, Mithrun thinks - maybe he can start to believe things may change, in him.
This is bad. He's really distracted. But... )
... I guess there's still a chance for me to become stock.
( His answer resounds with a gentle, implied, Okay. What Barrett said to him in the hot springs feels like so long ago, but he hasn't forgotten, even through all his doubt.
He turns his head aside and up to look to Barrett's face, and he looses his grip at both the hilt and armor to reach up to take Barrett's face on either side - turning him proper to look him in the eye. )
... If DV, or CC Corp, or anyone else - if anyone puts you somewhere out of reach... I'll find you and bring you back. You need to be there, too, to tell me how I taste.
[He takes on the weight of the broadsword in his hand as his face is led to rest in Morgan's touch, meeting Morgan's eyes, hearing the statement of intent, of a dedication that he wasn't expecting... It softens his face with surprise, a parting of his lips that could just barely be missed if they weren't so close together. No words follow, but it doesn't seem to be out of inability this time - not with the way his eyes swim in warmth, in silence, unsure what to say but still letting the smile come regardless, reaching the corners of his eyes, tugging up under Morgan's palms.]
You'll be more delicious every time. I know you will.
[There's lingering heat to the syllables, one he feels radiate down his own body like the smallest electrical shock, holding his eyes in a way that looks almost starving. But it's the sounds of others using equipment in the distance that breaks him of his stance before he can ask what comes over his mind, exhaling as he turns his face into one of Morgan's palms, anchoring it from the other side with his free hand as peppers the tender inside with his lips, slow and careful and explorative of the flesh underneath - just like their first kiss had been.
When his lips draw to a halt, he doesn't look like he wants to stop. But he tilts the abandoned sword in Mithrun's direction, even as he lowers that tender palm from his mouth.]
( Mithrun swallows, Barrett's hungry gaze reflected clear in his own black eye. His hands feel a little warmer against Barrett's skin, his fingers just near enough to the slight part of his lips; close enough to taste, close enough for - something else he doesn't know the shape of, yet, besides the way it leaves that heavy thump in his chest in its wake.
Barrett interrupts it with his lips, in a different way - not unwelcome; his fingers curl in against his cheek, his gaze softening - or, maybe, going a little bit hungrier. )
... All right.
( But he doesn't voice this feeling, yet, because he thinks that it's something adjacent to eating - its neighbor, but not its equal.
He takes up his blade as if nothing were amiss, the sensation of Barrett's lips still hot against his palm, and the tips of his ears, though it's so easy to miss through his hair, just a little bit warmer in shade. )
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no subject
It's a terrible thing. To accept Barrett means to accept the big and broad world as something to live in, not give up on. Barrett wouldn't want him to find meaning in one person alone. And that's - a big ask. It was so easy when anger filled him; it was a fire violence could eject, but - this?
And still, and yet, like a rumbling earthquake it moves him, and leaves a heavy thumping in his chest. )
... It's...
( His gaze falls from Brett's earnest face, and he wonders if only Barrett can see these things, from his angle, the way only Mithrun can see how Barrett looks now. Barrett didn't understand when Mithrun said he liked how he looked when he smiled - had he ever seen himself like this? Did he know the depth of the trouble he's caused, wanting Mithrun to stay? )
... It's easier to try when you're here. I don't know why. ( Try, even with the conviction that he can never be full. ) Living is... carrying this empty. Walking with risk of loss. That's hard. But...
( And maybe that's what scares him most. That he has to feel the way he's felt these past two years - forever? That's a lot. It's hard to gaze out into the world and feel like you're not a part of it. )
... But if... if I tried... would you walk with me?
( Even if Barrett can't promise forever. Even though Mithrun knows he's a burden, that he still needs help, and maybe he always will need some. That's a lot - that's a lot to ask of someone else. )
no subject
Maybe it's not the same feeling between them... but there's a raw fear that's come with his own accident, with trying to process it, that makes him pause at the carefully worded struggle Morgan voices. An empathy, knowing the deep hole looks impossible from the inside.
So he doesn't offer the reassurances he might have weeks ago. He doesn't deny that it will be hard.
It's not his choice. All he can do is share his feelings.
Morgan looks away, and Barrett leans back into him with the touch of his temple. So Morgan can feel the careful, steady nod of his head if he doesn't trust his own eyes.]
Mn. I think... I'd really like to be there. As long as I can.
[Even if there isn't much he can do anymore other than be a companion. Even if all he's left with is to watch. Maybe it could be some protection, something useful.
To be enough.]
We'll find our way through Fragment. I know we will. I'm going to be reunited with everybody I care about by the end of this. And I want you to be there, too.
Please don't give up yet.
no subject
This is bad. He's really distracted. But... )
... I guess there's still a chance for me to become stock.
( His answer resounds with a gentle, implied, Okay. What Barrett said to him in the hot springs feels like so long ago, but he hasn't forgotten, even through all his doubt.
He turns his head aside and up to look to Barrett's face, and he looses his grip at both the hilt and armor to reach up to take Barrett's face on either side - turning him proper to look him in the eye. )
... If DV, or CC Corp, or anyone else - if anyone puts you somewhere out of reach... I'll find you and bring you back. You need to be there, too, to tell me how I taste.
no subject
You'll be more delicious every time. I know you will.
[There's lingering heat to the syllables, one he feels radiate down his own body like the smallest electrical shock, holding his eyes in a way that looks almost starving. But it's the sounds of others using equipment in the distance that breaks him of his stance before he can ask what comes over his mind, exhaling as he turns his face into one of Morgan's palms, anchoring it from the other side with his free hand as peppers the tender inside with his lips, slow and careful and explorative of the flesh underneath - just like their first kiss had been.
When his lips draw to a halt, he doesn't look like he wants to stop. But he tilts the abandoned sword in Mithrun's direction, even as he lowers that tender palm from his mouth.]
Practice with me for a while.
no subject
Barrett interrupts it with his lips, in a different way - not unwelcome; his fingers curl in against his cheek, his gaze softening - or, maybe, going a little bit hungrier. )
... All right.
( But he doesn't voice this feeling, yet, because he thinks that it's something adjacent to eating - its neighbor, but not its equal.
He takes up his blade as if nothing were amiss, the sensation of Barrett's lips still hot against his palm, and the tips of his ears, though it's so easy to miss through his hair, just a little bit warmer in shade. )