Beelzebub (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gluttoning) wrote2023-05-13 09:30 pm
gluttoning) wrote2023-05-13 09:30 pm
DODO CABIN CATCHALL
Xiao...
[Squinting increases, but he groggy shakes his head, taking the snack bag as he attempts to sit up a little.]
No... I'm okay. I feel okay.
[The words are a little distant, pressing a hand to his eyes as though he has a headache.]
...What happened? Why am I in the cabana?
[Squinting increases, but he groggy shakes his head, taking the snack bag as he attempts to sit up a little.]
No... I'm okay. I feel okay.
[The words are a little distant, pressing a hand to his eyes as though he has a headache.]
...What happened? Why am I in the cabana?
...
[ Should he be the one to tell him what happened? Xiao believes that Beelzebub deserves the truth, but perhaps, after everything, that would be a little too much for him. At least for right now.
Even so, his expression betrays him. His brow furrows, his frown deepens. He closes his eyes. His hands ball into fists at his sides. ]
We almost lost you, Beelzebub.
[ Should he be the one to tell him what happened? Xiao believes that Beelzebub deserves the truth, but perhaps, after everything, that would be a little too much for him. At least for right now.
Even so, his expression betrays him. His brow furrows, his frown deepens. He closes his eyes. His hands ball into fists at his sides. ]
We almost lost you, Beelzebub.
Lost me...?
[It takes him a minute of exhausted tension, trying to sort through the fog of what was memory and what was a bad, bad dream. But he looks at Xiao, looks CAREFULLY at Xiao... and things start to click.]
...The trial.
[Suddenly sitting up a little straighter because EXCUSE YOU SIR??]
Xiao, you're okay???? You're back...!
Haruka, is he... did you find him? How did you make it out of there??
[It takes him a minute of exhausted tension, trying to sort through the fog of what was memory and what was a bad, bad dream. But he looks at Xiao, looks CAREFULLY at Xiao... and things start to click.]
...The trial.
[Suddenly sitting up a little straighter because EXCUSE YOU SIR??]
Xiao, you're okay???? You're back...!
Haruka, is he... did you find him? How did you make it out of there??
[ Beel... Beel, please.....!! ]
Haruka is alive. We managed to escape the dimension. ... He was not entirely unscathed, but he was tended to immediately after our return.
[ There's remorse in how he says that. He should have done more. He blames himself for letting Haruka get hurt. ]
Don't worry about it. We're both still here.
[ Here. Not fine, but they're alive. That's what should matter to Beel, even if that's not all that matters to Xiao. ]
Haruka is alive. We managed to escape the dimension. ... He was not entirely unscathed, but he was tended to immediately after our return.
[ There's remorse in how he says that. He should have done more. He blames himself for letting Haruka get hurt. ]
Don't worry about it. We're both still here.
[ Here. Not fine, but they're alive. That's what should matter to Beel, even if that's not all that matters to Xiao. ]
...I'm so glad...
[He can feel his chest tightening. But he takes his gaze away from Xiao and back to the bedspread, giving a shaking nod.]
...I'm so glad you're both okay. I thought you both might have...
...
[He swallows, the bag in his hand crinkling as his hands tighten to fists, as his food goes untouched.]
I'm so, so sorry, Xiao.
[He can feel his chest tightening. But he takes his gaze away from Xiao and back to the bedspread, giving a shaking nod.]
...I'm so glad you're both okay. I thought you both might have...
...
[He swallows, the bag in his hand crinkling as his hands tighten to fists, as his food goes untouched.]
I'm so, so sorry, Xiao.
I...
I kept holding myself back, even though I had a sinking feeling it was Lobelia from the start. I was so unsure of what might happen. But I didn't act when I should have, and you and Haru suffered for it.
...
I... know it wasn't that simple. But I was scared that we'd lost both of you. We could have. And I felt it could have been stopped, and it... it wasn't.
I kept holding myself back, even though I had a sinking feeling it was Lobelia from the start. I was so unsure of what might happen. But I didn't act when I should have, and you and Haru suffered for it.
...
I... know it wasn't that simple. But I was scared that we'd lost both of you. We could have. And I felt it could have been stopped, and it... it wasn't.
[ At that, Xiao falls quiet. His expression is one of...sorrow? Perhaps not as sorrowful as it could be, but it's pained nevertheless.
He told Zelkov this earlier, but perhaps Beel needs to hear it, too. ]
Helplessness can feel heavy, as if there is something chaining you to the ground, rendering you unable to act. And yet, there was so much that we didn't know about Lobelia. Acting quicker may have caused him to do something even more unthinkable than what we witnessed. While I understand the sentiment, I cannot fault you for anything that happened, Beelzebub.
[ His voice suddenly turns shakier. Xiao, who is normally so composed and sure of himself, feels helpless to his own regrets and emotions, which start to pour into what he says next – ]
I believed that I had no need for friendship, companionship, and being alone was the only answer. And yet, being around you, Crea, Nona, Haruka, and the others – it serves as a reminder that despite my indefinite lifespan, I cannot take the time we're sharing together for granted.
[ A beat. ]
I am no stranger to loss. Even so, losing you...would have mirrored what I had experienced all those years ago. You are my friend, Beelzebub. I cannot deny that any longer.
He told Zelkov this earlier, but perhaps Beel needs to hear it, too. ]
Helplessness can feel heavy, as if there is something chaining you to the ground, rendering you unable to act. And yet, there was so much that we didn't know about Lobelia. Acting quicker may have caused him to do something even more unthinkable than what we witnessed. While I understand the sentiment, I cannot fault you for anything that happened, Beelzebub.
[ His voice suddenly turns shakier. Xiao, who is normally so composed and sure of himself, feels helpless to his own regrets and emotions, which start to pour into what he says next – ]
I believed that I had no need for friendship, companionship, and being alone was the only answer. And yet, being around you, Crea, Nona, Haruka, and the others – it serves as a reminder that despite my indefinite lifespan, I cannot take the time we're sharing together for granted.
[ A beat. ]
I am no stranger to loss. Even so, losing you...would have mirrored what I had experienced all those years ago. You are my friend, Beelzebub. I cannot deny that any longer.
Edited 2023-06-04 01:36 (UTC)
[He stays diligently silent as Xiao speaks more and with more wisdom in a few moments than he thinks he's heard from the Conqueror in the entire last week combined. It keeps him focused, and lets the words have their weight in the moment.]
Xiao...
[He can't believe it, and it echoes the same twist that he's used to feeling. It's not your fault. You didn't know. It's in the past. To hear that, when he still remembers the faces, still remembers the fear, still looks at the hole that could have been created just like before...
Again, and again, and again. Is it always going to crumble with him?
...
Still. Xiao's growth shines, and Beel would have to blind not to see it.]
...It's hard, isn't it. When life moves so fast, and leaves everyone else behind. The memories don't get easier.
...
Of course we're friends, Xiao. That was never a question.
Xiao...
[He can't believe it, and it echoes the same twist that he's used to feeling. It's not your fault. You didn't know. It's in the past. To hear that, when he still remembers the faces, still remembers the fear, still looks at the hole that could have been created just like before...
Again, and again, and again. Is it always going to crumble with him?
...
Still. Xiao's growth shines, and Beel would have to blind not to see it.]
...It's hard, isn't it. When life moves so fast, and leaves everyone else behind. The memories don't get easier.
...
Of course we're friends, Xiao. That was never a question.
[ crea has been... keeping to himself, mostly, since after the trial. after such emotional lows, he doesn't know what else to do but lick the reopened wounds on his own. he's tired in a way that no amount of sleep would fix, muscles heavy.
but the moment that he hears beelzebub's stomach, loud as always, crea basically scrambles from where he's at to his side.
once he's there, however, words fail him. what can he say? is there anything to say at all? ]
but the moment that he hears beelzebub's stomach, loud as always, crea basically scrambles from where he's at to his side.
once he's there, however, words fail him. what can he say? is there anything to say at all? ]
[He mumbles tiredly as he tries to parse who's suddenly next to him, and the scent hits him first.]
Crea.
[Xiao's spoken up, too, so... are they back in the cabana?
A hand lifts to rub at his eyes, his brow tight.]
What time is it...? What happened to the trial?
Crea.
[Xiao's spoken up, too, so... are they back in the cabana?
A hand lifts to rub at his eyes, his brow tight.]
What time is it...? What happened to the trial?
[ All he can do is nod, at that. The memories don't get easier to stomach, no matter how many times he has to live through the lens of the past – seeing his friends die and crumble apart in front of him will always feel raw in his heart. Still, he was once so jaded, cynical, and being here has ignited something in him despite their grim circumstances.
Hope. And it's people like Beel who make that possible. Losing him would have hurt more than Xiao could have thought it would just a few weeks ago, but their camaraderie makes things seem less hopeless.
He puts a hand on the other's shoulder, closes his eyes, and lets out a breath that gives way to how he's feeling. He's glad they're all still here. ]
Don't blame yourself for anything that's happened. The only thing I feel towards you is gratitude.
Hope. And it's people like Beel who make that possible. Losing him would have hurt more than Xiao could have thought it would just a few weeks ago, but their camaraderie makes things seem less hopeless.
He puts a hand on the other's shoulder, closes his eyes, and lets out a breath that gives way to how he's feeling. He's glad they're all still here. ]
Don't blame yourself for anything that's happened. The only thing I feel towards you is gratitude.
[Nona is laying at his side, curled up to him like a puppy will sometimes curl up to you when you're having a nap. Noodle for his part is sleeping on Nona's bed.
But Nona isn't sleeping, she's much too nervous and conflicted. Her eyes, bright gold, blink open a few times.]
Lobelia didn't taste good, did he? What would you like? Would you like shelves? Cookies? Pencils? Sand?
Oh, Beel, I thought you were gone, I was so upset.
But Nona isn't sleeping, she's much too nervous and conflicted. Her eyes, bright gold, blink open a few times.]
Lobelia didn't taste good, did he? What would you like? Would you like shelves? Cookies? Pencils? Sand?
Oh, Beel, I thought you were gone, I was so upset.
[It's a swimming sea of words that catches him off guard.]
Gone?
[Why would he...
...
The taste. The foul taste. And Lobelia...
He can feel his stomach turn despite its demand for food, and his hands dig into his shirt.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nona. [It's slow and hoarse. He doesn't sound sick or hurt, but the dig of hunger is agonizing, and the disgust of the memories that start to flood back tinges it sourly.]
Food. Anything. I'm so hungry.
Gone?
[Why would he...
...
The taste. The foul taste. And Lobelia...
He can feel his stomach turn despite its demand for food, and his hands dig into his shirt.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nona. [It's slow and hoarse. He doesn't sound sick or hurt, but the dig of hunger is agonizing, and the disgust of the memories that start to flood back tinges it sourly.]
Food. Anything. I'm so hungry.
Lobelia...
...
[That's right. Haruka and Xiao. The words in his mind. The taste in his mouth.
His hands bury against his shirt at the rolling sourness that comes with his stomach's demand for food.]
I remember his taste. He was on the ground.
...He didn't hurt anyone else, did he? Was that it?
...
[That's right. Haruka and Xiao. The words in his mind. The taste in his mouth.
His hands bury against his shirt at the rolling sourness that comes with his stomach's demand for food.]
I remember his taste. He was on the ground.
...He didn't hurt anyone else, did he? Was that it?
[He nods, but it's silent. Whether or not he can separate from the blame feels like an impossible obstacle. But:]
Gratitude? Did I do something?
[Ah, but there goes his stomach again. He looks down awkwardly as he fumbles for the snack bag to rip it open and take a handful of whatever's inside. He didn't even check. He doesn't care right now.]
Gratitude? Did I do something?
[Ah, but there goes his stomach again. He looks down awkwardly as he fumbles for the snack bag to rip it open and take a handful of whatever's inside. He didn't even check. He doesn't care right now.]
Do you want gum?
[ it must be unpleasant, to eat someone as hideous as lobelia. he holds out a pack of gum for him. ]
Not as far as I know. [ he was busy dealing with making sure that nona didn't become a eldricht monster or whatever the hell was wrong with her. ] But he looked like he did a number on you. I'm glad you recovered.
[ it must be unpleasant, to eat someone as hideous as lobelia. he holds out a pack of gum for him. ]
Not as far as I know. [ he was busy dealing with making sure that nona didn't become a eldricht monster or whatever the hell was wrong with her. ] But he looked like he did a number on you. I'm glad you recovered.
You can have all my food.
[Nona wants to hug him, to declare she's forgiven him but she's worried that he's going to eat her if she doesn't feed him, and she doesn't think that she would taste very good so it's a big problem.
She runs off and finds basically any food they have in their cabana. She's quick, taking less than five minutes to get an armful of fruit and snacks.]
I got food. I got food.
You're okay, Beel, you don't have to blame yourself, you have food and we love you.
[Nona wants to hug him, to declare she's forgiven him but she's worried that he's going to eat her if she doesn't feed him, and she doesn't think that she would taste very good so it's a big problem.
She runs off and finds basically any food they have in their cabana. She's quick, taking less than five minutes to get an armful of fruit and snacks.]
I got food. I got food.
You're okay, Beel, you don't have to blame yourself, you have food and we love you.
[There's an almost animalistic exhale as Beel sees the gum pack and zeros in on it, darting forward in bed to grab for several sticks at once, one of which goes straight into his mouth without even removing the wrapper or even being chewed, swallowed whole.
It takes him a visible moment of painful restraint to not repeat with the rest, trying to at least undo the wrappers.]
Need more. Haven't eaten. [It's been at least a few hours? It feels... about right, for how much it's starting to hurt, how hard it's getting to think. But he CAN think. But he's hungry. But he wants to talk. But he's hungry--
...
"Did a number?" He wants to ask. But his focus is so drawn on the gum that it can't quite come out the way he wants.]
I don't remember. He was dead. My stomach hurt. Everything hurt. I couldn't swallow or breathe. And then I woke up.
It takes him a visible moment of painful restraint to not repeat with the rest, trying to at least undo the wrappers.]
Need more. Haven't eaten. [It's been at least a few hours? It feels... about right, for how much it's starting to hurt, how hard it's getting to think. But he CAN think. But he's hungry. But he wants to talk. But he's hungry--
...
"Did a number?" He wants to ask. But his focus is so drawn on the gum that it can't quite come out the way he wants.]
I don't remember. He was dead. My stomach hurt. Everything hurt. I couldn't swallow or breathe. And then I woke up.
[ give him a second, beelzebub! as the demon recounts what he remembers, crea shuffles to grab all that he had brought in a bag. first throwing a bag of chips, he brings the rest of the bag to him. the contents are mostly junk food: chips, cookies, soda, juice, gatorade...
... the sight of lobelia coming back and dying, the sight of beelzebub's body contorting in such a ghastly manner is still vibrant in the back of his head. he's not sure if he'll be eating any time soon, but he's glad that at least one of them has an appetite.
he sighs, sitting down at the edge of the bed. ]
Well, try not to think too much about it. Everything he said was to rile you up. What happened there was no one's fault but his.
[ and, in crea's mind, a couple others for enabling him, but he'll keep that to himself. ]
... the sight of lobelia coming back and dying, the sight of beelzebub's body contorting in such a ghastly manner is still vibrant in the back of his head. he's not sure if he'll be eating any time soon, but he's glad that at least one of them has an appetite.
he sighs, sitting down at the edge of the bed. ]
Well, try not to think too much about it. Everything he said was to rile you up. What happened there was no one's fault but his.
[ and, in crea's mind, a couple others for enabling him, but he'll keep that to himself. ]
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