[ well, there you have it folks. execution is over, crea isn't dead, kanon is dead, and all's well that ends well, right?
well, perhaps not so much for crea, who's laying down in bed in the middle of the day. at least he had enough strength to wash the blood off of him before laying down and throwing the covers over his head. ]
[ Xiao is mostly recovered from his little tendril adventure, thanks to Psyche. He wasn't paying attention to most of the execution due to ow but he caught what he needed to.
He's gone from the cabana for a little while – left without saying a word, which may give the wrong impression. In due time, however, Xiao returns...with an apple in his hand.
Wordlessly, he taps on Crea's...shoulder? Head? Hard to say with the covers. But he'll put the apple down beside him. ]
[ give him a second, xiao, crea was actually napping. depression napping, for the most part seeing as his injuries were mostly healed by the morb smooch.
he pulls the covers off, blinking sleepily, and upon seeing xiao's sleepy form he can't help but mumble: ]
...Sii-tan?
[ after a couple seconds, he notices his mistake. if his shoulders slump a bit, no they didn't. ]
No. Xiao. Sorry about that. Might've been confused.
[ it's not as if xiao has done anything wrong in the first place. even if that apple has absolutely ruined whatever inkling of an appetite he might have had in the first place. ]
Why do you want to see me?
[ it's a genuine question. he knows how he acted. in his mind, crea thought that it would be enough to burn at least a couple of bridges. ]
For retaliating against someone who tried to murder you?
[ Xiao may be more on the "lawful good" spectrum of things, but he really has no ground to stand on anymore, given the nature of this place and how he's contributed to sending people to their deaths every week.
Bloodshed is what he knows best, anyway. ]
Am I supposed to feel betrayed? Because I don't. I am just glad you are alive.
[ He fully recognizes that he's also very biased, but it is what it is. ]
[ this can't be for real, right? xiao has got to be pulling his leg or something. ]
There's a difference between killing in retaliation and... what I did. [ a pause. ] I'm not a good person. Haven't been for a while. Not like you, Beel, or Nona.
...There's much that I haven't disclosed to any of you. It wouldn't be fair of me to pass on judgment to you when I have done nothing but merciless slaughter for centuries.
[ That's how he sees it, anyway. ]
Your care for us, Crea... It feels authentic. If I'm wrong, then I'll adjust. But if you have been sincere in that, then I will extinguish the flames on the bridges you're trying to burn. At least with me.
[ crea, for a moment, is stunned into silence. his mouth hangs open, staring stupidly at xiao. he can't seriously be hearing all of that, right? after that, xiao has decided not to just forgive him, but to completely look away from it?
impossible. there's no way that's true. how stupid could he be? do the others think the same? ]
Xiao, I... you don't understand. [ he cares. he cares terribly, and painfully so. he cares so much, that he could cry. ] I could betray you and go kill someone outside of this group. [ as if. he hated the way kanon's eyes glazed over, empty as the night sky. he can't go through that again. ] Even if I don't do betray you here, I will betray your expectations for sure once I get back home. I can't repay any of this kindness anyone has given me.
[ because ultimately he will do whatever he needs to do to make sion happy, even if it means becoming the exact type of monster that he fought against. ]
I will never ask you to repay anything, Crea. Everything I've done was not because I expected to be praised, recognized, or repaid.
[ Ha. He's a hypocrite, he knows he is, he knows deep down that he feels the same way that Crea does. He will never be able to repay the kindness people have shown him here, and while he isn't as hung up on others' expectations for him -- he just needs to do what he has to -- he is aware that most people here know very little about him. ]
You could kill someone, but so could I. I can't even guarantee that the expectations that you have for me are ones that I will be able to uphold forever, either. But I don't care to talk about all of these hypotheticals right now. All I care about is what to expect of you now, in the present, while we are still here.
[ He, too, will do what he needs to in order to fulfill his mission. And while his mission may be perceived as more altruistic than Crea's, it doesn't change the fact that they are both one step away from becoming the monsters they loathe so much. ]
I am well-aware that I may be coming from a place of bias, but I am not one to give up so easily on the people I value. I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.
[ that is not the answer that he expected either, but nothing about this conversation has been. xiao's responses leave him speechless as he's unable to argue any longer.
he laughs softly, brokenly, feeling the corners of his eyes burning as tears well up and roll down his cheeks.
'I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.'
'Originia?' 'Where Rchimedes is from?' 'The village of devils?' 'Everyone there should be dead.' 'No, I heard before that there were survivors' 'They should be...
...Rchimedes' sons' ]
I think that a great many people would disagree in my world with that. [ ... ] I don't know what you should expect from me. But I can say with confidence that I didn't want to kill anyone at any point. And in case you might doubt me for Skywarp's unresolved murder... that also wasn't me. All I wanted to do was keep my head down during these weeks and hope to survive.
[ a coward's way out, sure. but if it's for the sake of survival, then there's no low that he's not willing to reach. ]
[Ah, the Blanket Lump. Where has he seen that before.
Beelzebub silently lowers himself to a seat on the edge of the bed. It's hard to remember to talk. Usually he'd know instinctively. But... this wasn't Belphie.
[ from the delayed response, it seems like crea was indeed sleeping. but he's a light sleeper, and the voice is enough to get him to shift.
he lifts the blankets a peek, squinting at the light. he has a headache. though he opens his mouth to say something, ultimately all his words fail him, and he closes it again.
say your piece, beel. crea's sure that he's going to get an earful now. ]
[ the back rubs are nice, but it is awkward to be look up at beelzebub from the bed. shrugging off the blankets, he sits up. now there's some fresh scars from where the shrapnel dug into his body. ]
My heart's fine. [ he's alive. there's still a chance he can go back to sion. he should be elated. yet he is not. he feels sick. ] This isn't my first kill. It's kind of a necessary part of being a bad guy, y'know? Also a necessary part of being a hero.
[ it's just that he's one of the few that doesn't enjoy it? ]
[He gives Crea space to emerge from his little bed cocoon, bringing his hands back to himself as he leans over with his arms against his knees, looking Crea over with an unreadable expression.]
...
Just because it's necessary doesn't mean it feels good. It doesn't mean you have to feel good, either.
The first one is right. The second one is mostly what others say I am, so I guess I don't have much room to comment on it. It'd be kind of self-centered if I called myself a 'kind person', wouldn't it?
But the third one...
[ he shakes his head. ]
I'm sorry Beel, but that's a lie. I've seen enough of people's darker sides to know what they're capable of. Outside of our little Dodo group, there aren't that many on this island that I would trust.
[ including himself. especially himself. ]
To be honest, the fact I trusted you all was a surprise on its own. You guys are incredible.
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gluttoning) wrote2023-05-13 09:30 pm
w4 sunday after execution
well, perhaps not so much for crea, who's laying down in bed in the middle of the day. at least he had enough strength to wash the blood off of him before laying down and throwing the covers over his head. ]
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He's gone from the cabana for a little while – left without saying a word, which may give the wrong impression. In due time, however, Xiao returns...with an apple in his hand.
Wordlessly, he taps on Crea's...shoulder? Head? Hard to say with the covers. But he'll put the apple down beside him. ]
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he pulls the covers off, blinking sleepily, and upon seeing xiao's sleepy form he can't help but mumble: ]
...Sii-tan?
[ after a couple seconds, he notices his mistake. if his shoulders slump a bit, no they didn't. ]
No. Xiao. Sorry about that. Might've been confused.
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Here. For when you feel like it. I will put it on your dresser.
[ He looks down at Crea's sleepy form. He doesn't know what he should say, if he should say anything at all. ]
Forgive me for the disturbance. I...just wanted to see you. You can go back to sleep.
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[ it's not as if xiao has done anything wrong in the first place. even if that apple has absolutely ruined whatever inkling of an appetite he might have had in the first place. ]
Why do you want to see me?
[ it's a genuine question. he knows how he acted. in his mind, crea thought that it would be enough to burn at least a couple of bridges. ]
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Why wouldn't I?
[ His tone is very much matter-of-fact. He folds his arms over his chest. ]
Unless you want me to leave, I will stay here. Tell me what you need.
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[ he sits up. unfortunately for virgin eyes, he is down to his underwear, considering that he had to wash the blood off of himself. ]
I guess I expected a little more anger and less concern, though. Didn't I betray your trust or something like that?
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[ Xiao may be more on the "lawful good" spectrum of things, but he really has no ground to stand on anymore, given the nature of this place and how he's contributed to sending people to their deaths every week.
Bloodshed is what he knows best, anyway. ]
Am I supposed to feel betrayed? Because I don't. I am just glad you are alive.
[ He fully recognizes that he's also very biased, but it is what it is. ]
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[ this can't be for real, right? xiao has got to be pulling his leg or something. ]
There's a difference between killing in retaliation and... what I did. [ a pause. ] I'm not a good person. Haven't been for a while. Not like you, Beel, or Nona.
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[ He shakes his head. ]
...There's much that I haven't disclosed to any of you. It wouldn't be fair of me to pass on judgment to you when I have done nothing but merciless slaughter for centuries.
[ That's how he sees it, anyway. ]
Your care for us, Crea... It feels authentic. If I'm wrong, then I'll adjust. But if you have been sincere in that, then I will extinguish the flames on the bridges you're trying to burn. At least with me.
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[ crea, for a moment, is stunned into silence. his mouth hangs open, staring stupidly at xiao. he can't seriously be hearing all of that, right? after that, xiao has decided not to just forgive him, but to completely look away from it?
impossible. there's no way that's true. how stupid could he be? do the others think the same? ]
Xiao, I... you don't understand. [ he cares. he cares terribly, and painfully so. he cares so much, that he could cry. ] I could betray you and go kill someone outside of this group. [ as if. he hated the way kanon's eyes glazed over, empty as the night sky. he can't go through that again. ] Even if I don't do betray you here, I will betray your expectations for sure once I get back home. I can't repay any of this kindness anyone has given me.
[ because ultimately he will do whatever he needs to do to make sion happy, even if it means becoming the exact type of monster that he fought against. ]
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[ Ha. He's a hypocrite, he knows he is, he knows deep down that he feels the same way that Crea does. He will never be able to repay the kindness people have shown him here, and while he isn't as hung up on others' expectations for him -- he just needs to do what he has to -- he is aware that most people here know very little about him. ]
You could kill someone, but so could I. I can't even guarantee that the expectations that you have for me are ones that I will be able to uphold forever, either. But I don't care to talk about all of these hypotheticals right now. All I care about is what to expect of you now, in the present, while we are still here.
[ He, too, will do what he needs to in order to fulfill his mission. And while his mission may be perceived as more altruistic than Crea's, it doesn't change the fact that they are both one step away from becoming the monsters they loathe so much. ]
I am well-aware that I may be coming from a place of bias, but I am not one to give up so easily on the people I value. I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.
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he laughs softly, brokenly, feeling the corners of his eyes burning as tears well up and roll down his cheeks.
'I care about you, Crea, and if that's wrong, then it wouldn't be the worst sin that I've committed.'
'Originia?' 'Where Rchimedes is from?' 'The village of devils?' 'Everyone there should be dead.' 'No, I heard before that there were survivors' 'They should be...
...Rchimedes' sons' ]
I think that a great many people would disagree in my world with that. [ ... ] I don't know what you should expect from me. But I can say with confidence that I didn't want to kill anyone at any point. And in case you might doubt me for Skywarp's unresolved murder... that also wasn't me. All I wanted to do was keep my head down during these weeks and hope to survive.
[ a coward's way out, sure. but if it's for the sake of survival, then there's no low that he's not willing to reach. ]
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Beelzebub silently lowers himself to a seat on the edge of the bed. It's hard to remember to talk. Usually he'd know instinctively. But... this wasn't Belphie.
...]
Crea. Are you awake?
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he lifts the blankets a peek, squinting at the light. he has a headache. though he opens his mouth to say something, ultimately all his words fail him, and he closes it again.
say your piece, beel. crea's sure that he's going to get an earful now. ]
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Crea will feel the weight and warmth against his back as Beel reaches over to rest a hand against him.]
You must be hurting.
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that's warm.
crea doesn't move, but he does close his eyes, ignoring the throb in his chest that has no relation to his closed wounds. ]
Between mine and Magolor's healing, my wounds are pretty much closed. They don't hurt much.
[ crea is aware that this is not what beel is talking about. ]
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[He runs his hand in a slow back and forth motion against the blanket, across Crea's back.]
What about your heart?
You didn't want to kill. You killed anyway. That can hurt.
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[ the back rubs are nice, but it is awkward to be look up at beelzebub from the bed. shrugging off the blankets, he sits up. now there's some fresh scars from where the shrapnel dug into his body. ]
My heart's fine. [ he's alive. there's still a chance he can go back to sion. he should be elated. yet he is not. he feels sick. ] This isn't my first kill. It's kind of a necessary part of being a bad guy, y'know? Also a necessary part of being a hero.
[ it's just that he's one of the few that doesn't enjoy it? ]
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...
Just because it's necessary doesn't mean it feels good. It doesn't mean you have to feel good, either.
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[ that's probably the closest he'll get to confessing that he feels like shit. ]
But a job's a job. Guess that doesn't change, even in this place.
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[It's simply asked.]
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I know you now, though. And the Crea I know now isn't a bad person. Even if he gets angry. Even if he hides. Even if he kills.
[He looks down at his own hands, lacing his fingers together.]
You said yourself that you don't want to. You're kind. And you don't want to think badly of people.
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But the third one...
[ he shakes his head. ]
I'm sorry Beel, but that's a lie. I've seen enough of people's darker sides to know what they're capable of. Outside of our little Dodo group, there aren't that many on this island that I would trust.
[ including himself. especially himself. ]
To be honest, the fact I trusted you all was a surprise on its own. You guys are incredible.